And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee.
And it came to pass that all the wine was drunk. And the mother of
Jesus said unto the Lord, "They have no more wine". And Jesus said
unto the servants "Fill six water pots with water." And they did so.
And when the steward of the feast did taste of the water from the pots,
it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come. But the
servants did. And they applauded loudly in the kitchen.
And they said unto the Lord, "How the Hell did you do that"?!?! And
inquired of him, "Do you do Children's parties"? And the Lord said, "No".
But the servants did press him, saying "Go on. Give us another one."
And so he brought forth a carrot. And said "Behold this, for it is a
carrot". And all about him knew that it was so. For it was Orange.
With a Green Top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot
and then removed it. And lo, he held in his hand…a white rabbit.
And all were amazed and said "This guy is really good! He should turn
And they brought Him, on a stretcher, a man who was sick of the palsy.
And they cried unto him, "Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy". And
the Lord said "If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I'D be
pretty sick of the palsy too!" And they were filled joy and cried out,
"Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an
all-round family entertainer".
And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and
believed. And Jesus said unto her "Put on a tuton and lie down in this
box". And took he forth a sword, and cleft her in twain. And there was
much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said, "Oh ye of little
faith". And he threw open the box, and lo, Mary was whole. And the
crowd went absolutely Bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow.
And he said unto her "From now on, you shall be known as Sharon. For
that is a good name for an assistant".
And the people said unto him "We have never seen anything like this.This is great.
You shouldn't be wasting your time in a one-camel town like Cana.
You should be playing the big arenas in Jerusalem." And Jesus did harken
unto their words. And he did go unto Jerusalem. And he did his full act.
Before the scribes and the Pharisees and the Romans. But alas, it did
not please them in their hearts. In fact, they absolutely crucified him.