VOICE From J.K. Rowling, the author of
the book series that kept Borders open for another few years.
VOICE (CONT'D) Comes the movie adaptation for
VOICE (CONT'D) When an evil noseless freak
threatens to take over the world - it's up to this boy wizard, his
totally useless friend and his superior in every way, hot lady
VOICE (CONT'D) And when I said hot, I only meant
in the last three movies after she turned 18. Pervs.
VOICE (CONT'D) Journey along as they travel to a
magical boarding school where kids learn potions, spells and
divination... but not English, Math or Science.
VOICE (CONT'D) Where technology seems to be frozen
in the 19th century, replacing cell phones and the internet, with quill
VOICE (CONT'D) And where child endangerment is
VOICE (CONT'D) Seriously how have they not shut
VOICE (CONT'D) A franchise so epic, it took ten
years, eight films, four directors and two Dumbledores to tell...
Featuring...
VOICE (CONT'D) The one that started it all
VOICE (CONT'D) The one everyone hates
VOICE (CONT'D) The one everyone loves
VOICE (CONT'D) The one with shovel face.
VOICE (CONT'D) The one with the raging hormones
VOICE (CONT'D) The one where Dumbledore dies
VOICE (CONT'D) The one you can skip
VOICE (CONT'D) And the one that made adults cry
VOICE (CONT'D) Follow our heroes as they transform
from adorable youngsters struggling to act
VOICE (CONT'D) To awkward tweens
VOICE (CONT'D) To barely legal heartthrobs
'
VOICE (CONT'D) To young adults pretending to look
VOICE (CONT'D) Ron really let himself go.
VOICE (CONT'D) Ron really let himself go.
VOICE (CONT'D) Witness the magic that will dazzle
If magic is supposed to be secret, why is their doorway in the most
highly trafficed subway station in London?
Why are all the bullies in one house
VOICE (CONT'D) and why don't they just expel them?
VOICE (CONT'D) And isn't it disturbing that this
rat on Ron's crotch is actually a grown man? Ehhugh..
VOICE (CONT'D) Relive the excitement of acclaimed
british thespians yelling nonsense
VOICE (CONT'D) Battles that would have been way
cooler with lightsabers... or if they just moved around a little
more...
VOICE (CONT'D) And Rupert Grint's dumb face.
VOICE (CONT'D) Luke Sky Potter
VOICE (CONT'D) Your First Erection
VOICE (CONT'D) Professor Hans Gruber
VOICE (CONT'D) Claudio Miranda
VOICE (CONT'D) Forrest Whitaker
VOICE (CONT'D) Michael Jackson
VOICE (CONT'D) Gandalf the Gay
VOICE (CONT'D) And Warwick Davis
VOICE (CONT'D) So quidditch makes absolutely no sense right? A 150 point ball?
That's just bullshit right there.
Thanks for watching. Be sure to subscribe.
VOICE (CONT'D) "You shall not pass!"
"They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh My Goood!"
"They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh My Goood!"
"They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh My Goood!"
"How's it goin' royal ugly dudes?"