Broadway Riff-Off W/ Neil Patrick Harris

69

>> James: OH, WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW SINCE

MOVING TO AMERICA I HAVE NOTICED THAT A LOT OF BIG COMPANIES USE

ACRONYMS FOR THEIR NAMES LIKE FOR EXAMPLE GEICO, THEIR NAME

ACTUALLY STANDS FOR.

>> HEY, CORDEN, OVER HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> James: SORRY, NEIL, WHAT.

>> I'M SORRY?

>> James: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

THE TALK SEGMENT IS NOT UNTIL AFTER THE COMMERCIAL.

I'M ABOUT TO START DOING A BRILLIANT BIT OF COMEDY ABOUT

ACRONYMS, SO.

>> YOUR SILLY JOKES CAN WAIT, CORDEN.

WE HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE.

AND IT'S ABOUT BROADWAY.

(APPLAUSE).

>> James: SO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, NEIL?

>> WHAT ARE YOUI SEE YOU GOING AROUND HOSTING THE TONYS.

ACTING LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY TV STAR WHO CAN SING BROADWAY SHOW

TUNES.

SOME OF US, DUDE, HAVE ACTUALLY WON A TONY.

>> James: RIGHT, YES, SOME OF US HAVE.

I HAVE ALSO WON A TONY AWARD MYSELF, SO.

>> YEAH, FOR A NONSINGING ROLE, BURN.

>> James: RIGHT, SO WHAT DO YOU WANT, NEIL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO, JAMES CORDEN.

>> James: HANG ON, IF I'M READING BETWEEN THE LINES

CORRECTLY IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE WHAT YOU WANT IS A BROADWAY

MUSICAL RIFFOFF S THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

>> James: STOP IT WE CAN'T.

>> WHY.

>> James: WE CANNOT HAVE A PROPER RIPOFF.

>> WHY.

>> James: BECAUSE THE FILHARMONIC AN HERE TO SING THE

BACK UP FOR US.

SO I'M SORRY, WE WILL HAVE TO GO BACK.

>> U M, AREN'T THEY THOUGH?

>> James: HEY, FELLAS.

>> HEY.

>> James: DIDN'T THING YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT YOU WOULD BE

COMING DOWN TO THE SHOW.

>> NO.

>> James: WELL, YOU HAVE ALL WORN THE SAME OUTFIT TONIGHT SO

THAT'S EMBARRASSING.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS, HARRIS?

>> YEAH.

>> James: PATRICK HARRIS.

>> YEAH.

>> James: NEIL PATRICK HARRIS.

>> YEAH, JAMES PATRICK CORDEN.

>> James: WELL, MY MIDDLE NAME ISN'T PATRICK IT'S KIMBERLY SO

YOU LOOK STUPID.

(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY FOR

THIS.

>> YEAH, I'M SURE I'M READY FOR THIS.

>> James: THEN LET'S.

>> GOOD COMEBACK.

ONE, TWO,.

FOR THE PEOPLE ALL SAID SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN YOU'RE ROCKIN' THE BOAT.

THE DEVIL WILL DRAG YOU UNDER.

BY THE SHARP LAPEL OF YOUR CHECK ERRED COAT.

SIT DOWN SIT DOWN SIT DOWN YOU'RE ROCKIN' THE BOAT.

THE PEOPLE FOR THE PEOPLE ARE DEAD SIT DOWN YOU'RE ROCKING THE

BOAT.

YOU'LL BE SWELL.

YOU'LL BE GREAT.

GONNA HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD ON A PLATE.

STARTING HERE.

STARTING NOW.

HON CORDEN EVERYTHING'S COMING UP ROSES FOR ME NOT FOR YOU.

>> James: OKAY, WELL, CLEARLY

WE CAN BOTH SING THE CLASSICS.

>> YEAH.

ONE OF US CAN BROADWAY AIN'T NOTHING UNLESS YOU CAN BELT OUT

A HEARTBREAKING BALANCE ADD, OKAY, OKAY.

>> A HEARTBREAKING BALANCE ADD, REALLY.

>> James: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

>> GET READY TO SHED A TEAR OR THREE.

>> James: I'M READY.

>> SOMEBODY HOLD ME TOO CLOSE.

SOMEBODY HURT ME TOO DEEP.

SOMEBODY SIT IN MY CHAIR.

AND RUIN MY SLEEP.

AND MAKE ME AWARE.

OF BEING ALIVE.

BEING ALIVE.

BEING ALIVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> James: OH MY OWN.

PRETENDING HE'S BESIDE ME.

ALL ALONE.

I WALK WITH HIM TILL MORNING.

WITHOUT ME.

HIS WORLD WILL GO ON TURNING.

A WORLD THAT'S FULL OF HAPPINESS THAT I HAVE NEVER

KNOWN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ON MY OWN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS PRETTY.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, BEING A BROADWAY STAR ISN'T ALL ABOUT

BEING PRETTY, IS IT.

IT'S ALSO ABOUT BEING SEXY.

>> James: SEXY?

>> OH YEAH.

>> James: SEXY, YOU WANT TO SEE, YOU WANT TO SEE SEXY.

>> I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY.

>> James: THISTHE [BLEEP] DID YOU JUST SAY?

>> I THINK WE ALL HEARD THAT.

>> James: OKAY, YOU WANT TO SEE SEXY, I'LL GIVE YOU SEXY

RIGHT NOW.

HIT IT BOYS.

>> James: COME ON BABE WHY DON'T WE PAINT THE TOWN.

AND ALL THAT JAZZ.

START THE CAR I KNOW A WHOOPEE SPOT.

WHERE THE GIN IS COLD AND THE PIANO'S HOT.

IT'S JUST A NOISY HALL WHERE THERE'S A NIGHTLY BRAWL.

AND ALL THAT.

JAZZ.

.

>> I'VE GOT A SWEET TOOTH.

FOR LICORICE DROPS AND JELLY ROLL.

HEY SUGAR DADDY.

HANSEL NEEDS SOME SUGAR IN HIS BOWL.

I'LL LAY OUT FINE CHINA.

ON THE LINEN AND POLISH UP THE CHROME.

AND FUF'S GOT SOME SUGAR FOR ME.

SUGAR DADDY BRING IT HOME.

COME ON SUGAR DAD CORDEN BRING ME HOME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OKAY, WOW, YOU'VE DONE IT YOU'VE BEAT ME.

WHAT AM I EVENWHAT AM I EVEN DOING.

YOU GOT ME THINKING MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP ON MUSICAL

THEATER ENTIRELY.

>> JAMES, WAIT.

WAIT, YOU CAN'T.

>> James: NO, I'M A COMPLETE FRAUD.

>> YOU'RE NOT.

>> James: NO, I AM.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE AROUND, I SHOULD JUST STOP SINGING SHOW

TUNES.

(LAUGHTER) >> LOOK AT US ALL.

ACTING REALLY HARD RIGHT HERE.

(LAUGHTER) WHAT IF, WHAT IF WE DID A SONG

TOGETHER?

TOGETHER.

COME ON.

COME ON, YOU CAN'T THROW IN THE TOWEL.

YOU CAN'T THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT.

>> James: I'M NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT I AM NOT THROWING

AWAY MY SHOT.

>> I'M JUST LIKE MY COUNTRY I'M YOUNG SCAPE AND HUNGRY AND I'M

NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOTD.

>> I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT, NO, I AM NOT THROWING AWAY

MY SHOTD.

HEY QULO I'M JUST LIKE MY COUNTRY I'M YOUNG, SCRAPPY AND

HUNGRY AND I'M NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT I AM PAST PATIENTLY

WAITIN, I'M PASSIONATELY SMASHIN EVERY EXPECTATION, EVERY

ACTION'S AN AK OF CREATION.

>> I'M LAUGHING IN THE FACE OF CAB ULTS AND SOR ROW, FOR THE

FIRST TIME I'M THINKING PAST TOMORROWS.

>> AND I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT, I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY

SHOT, HEYIO I'M VUS LIKE MY COUNTRY I'M YOUNG SCRAPPY AND

HUNGRY I'M NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT.

>> WE'RE GOING RISEUP.

>> TIME TO TAKE A SHOT.

>> WE'RE GONNA RISE UP, RIGHT UP.

>> TIME TO TAKE A SHOT.

TIME TO TAKE A SHOT, TIME TO TAKE A SHOT.

AND I'M NOT THROWING A AWAY MY, NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT.

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS AND THE FILHARMONIC.

COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.

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